Top Quotes by Craig Kilborn

I used to make fun of young people when I was 17 – the angst, the insecurities, all those tattoos.

Craig Kilborn

I have a wonderful respect for old people.

Craig Kilborn

I thought late-night was crowded… the format’s repetitive.

Craig Kilborn

Broadcasting was something, I don’t want to say it came easy, but it’s something I’m comfortable doing.

Craig Kilborn

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone.

Craig Kilborn

I think that you’re always going to have some people who are negative or view you in a certain way.

Craig Kilborn

I’m going to miss my best friends – my cameras.

Craig Kilborn

Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.

Craig Kilborn

In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.

Craig Kilborn

As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we’ll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription.

Craig Kilborn

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush’s budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with ‘Hey, look over there, it’s Saddam Hussein.’

Craig Kilborn

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Craig Kilborn

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn’t know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

Craig Kilborn

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, ‘I know you’re there, pick up, pick up.

Craig Kilborn

People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.

Craig Kilborn

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he’s running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, ‘Four more vowels, four more vowels.’

Craig Kilborn

They’re saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger.

Craig Kilborn

John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, ‘What did I ever do to you?’

Craig Kilborn

The places I’ve worked in the past, I always stayed three years and moved on.

Craig Kilborn

I learned at an early age that using the third person will push some buttons.

Craig Kilborn

I enjoyed retirement the right way… linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

Craig Kilborn

It’s fun being creative and that’s satisfying.

Craig Kilborn

I always tell people I romanticize about doing something simple, like doing radio in northern California.

Craig Kilborn

Comedy doesn’t always have to come from a dark place.

Craig Kilborn

I don’t do well around the angry, bitter and emotionally fragile among us, which may eliminate 70% of the population.

Craig Kilborn

I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don’t have an extravagant lifestyle.

Craig Kilborn

CBS was very generous in their offer to re-sign me. But I simply want to try something new.

Craig Kilborn

I don’t complain.

Craig Kilborn

However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be.

Craig Kilborn

I’m from the Midwest.

Craig Kilborn

People who go into show business are screwed up.

Craig Kilborn

I think mankind is overly sensitive, very needy, greedy, and flawed.

Craig Kilborn

My brother asked me once, ‘Are you a misanthrope?’ And I said, ‘No, I just find people irritating.’

Craig Kilborn