Best Quotes from Johnny Carson

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Johnny Carson

Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: ‘Are your ready?’

Johnny Carson

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

Johnny Carson

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

Johnny Carson

Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

Johnny Carson

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Johnny Carson

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Johnny Carson

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Johnny Carson

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Johnny Carson

I am one of the lucky people in the world: I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.

Johnny Carson

If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Johnny Carson

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

Johnny Carson

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

Johnny Carson

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Johnny Carson

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Johnny Carson

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Johnny Carson

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Johnny Carson

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

Johnny Carson

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.

Johnny Carson

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

Johnny Carson

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Johnny Carson

People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted… it was inevitable that I’d start giving little performances.

Johnny Carson

To be an entertainer, you gotta be a little gutsy, a little egotistical, so you have to pull back sometimes when people say, ‘Well, he’s stuck-up.’ ‘Stuck-up’ is only another word for self-conscious.

Johnny Carson

The mind starts to do things that you didn’t even realize it could do. I suppose it’s the manipulation. I suppose it’s the sense of power, the center of attention, and the me-ism. And performers have to have that.

Johnny Carson

There comes a time or a moment when you know in which direction you’re going to go. I know it happened to me when I was quite young.

Johnny Carson

I know you’ve been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

Johnny Carson

We’re more effective than birth control pills.

Johnny Carson

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Johnny Carson

I was going to hang it up on the twenty-fifth year of this show. I don’t know why. Maybe twenty-five years is enough. And I found out that I was having so much fun doing the show that we decided to stick around for a while.

Johnny Carson